a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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