Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
