Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize