Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
