handjob tips. give me some.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
