I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
