Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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