I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
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