Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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