Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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