what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
