Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
