Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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