I smell stomach acid.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
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