i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
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She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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