bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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