Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
The feeling are messing with the penis
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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