how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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