I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
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