At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
