I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
