Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
