the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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