She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
