Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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