In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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