You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
