but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize