Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
