next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
My life is pants optional.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
