There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
