He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
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You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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