I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
