I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
