Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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