Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
