You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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