i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize