Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
