Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
