Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
