Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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