there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
