My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
