Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
