i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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