Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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