Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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