...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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