Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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