I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Randomize
