I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
