one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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