The brown eye won't let me do that either.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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