My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
