finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
