Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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