Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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