using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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