When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm getting married
To pizza
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
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