He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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