A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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