Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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