How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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