I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
