Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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