How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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