Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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