I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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