I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
