I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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