I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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