thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
