I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
