Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
