I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
