you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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