I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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