party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
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She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
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She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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